Why?...

her eyes seem so innocent... she's a beauty unlike any other... u get goosebumps wenever u're with her... its more like comin out of a freezer after a long time... da heart suddenly warms, & u've no clue wats goin on in ur mind... u cud stare @ her all day long & not realise how much time has passed by... but then, u realise da one thing u don wanna kno... u cant hav her... da sight of her smile wen with another makes ur heart ache... its not a jealousy, but a sadness... ur heart constantly get torn apart as u cant let go of a simple but painful fact... u hold bak jst to c her happy & with a fear of losin her if she finds out... ppl say da truth wud set us free... so why hold bak?... why not pour ur heart out to her?...

my frends kno me as (or atleast say they kno me as) fun, a li'l pervertd, nice & carin guy who talks quite a lot... if it was 2 or 3yrs earlier... i'd b not so fun, a bit quiet guy who gets angry real easy... only a few kno dat i was once like dat, since nowadays my anger is shown in rare ocassions, but dat also is different from how it was xpressd earlier... frends i've made later on doesnt see me as da angry type cox i've learnd to control in sumwat... though its convertd to sumthin i don think is dat gud... chatterin more than most guys wud isnt sumthin even i like... though i jst had to learn to control my anger, which sadly had to b by talkin so much dat there wudnt b much energy for my so called 'rage'...
seems like its due to this dat wenever i seem quiet, everyone thinks im not feelin well or im too depressed... so im kinda stuck with whoever i am right now... da person dat all my frends made me into... da idiot who thinks he's da worst guy from all da ppl he knows... but i think its a bit sure dat i wudnt even b among da 'ok' ones... since im jst da guy listnin in & crackin up with others jokes, rather than makin up jokes... da guy who doesnt kno wat to do & mostly ends up in doin sumthin stupid... da guy who doesnt kno wen to stop or wen to start... so seems like it wudnt b much of a lie wen i say im da one of da worst guys, even though i myte b a "nice guy"...
lets c how life goes if i am to b like this

5 situations...

[1] she knows me... talks to me... but she doesnt think dat way abt me... i like her very much & sumtimes i even think dat i myte b IN LUV with her... but how & wat am i supposed to do?... mi othee vefa oiy gothakee... bolah nukulhadhaana...
[2] she's mad abt me... she says she's in love with me... i really liked her & later on sumhow did fall for her, though SHE broke things off... later on she kinda startd getn annoyin, cox she's still sayin she luvs me & misses me alot... i kinda don kno who she is :s... now wat?!...
[3] she's a beauty... i went crazy wen i 1st saw her... i got so nervous dat it took nearly 6hrs to go to talk to her da 4 da 1st time... but da sad thing is she is with sumone.... EHEN VIYAS, i jst cant get her off my mind!... mi dhen hama jehey kameh tha?...
[4] she's near perfect wen i think abt all common sense... rangalhu, molhu, madu maithiri, loabi, ehen ulhelaafa majaa... BUT i don seem to b into her dat much, & i don think even she'd b into me dat much... almost perfect eh kamaku mi huree vee varu... keeh ve baa?...
[5] she's really cute... lovely smile... seems like a gud gal... hangs out with frends... skips a couple of classes ehen ulhelaafa :P... she doesnt talk much to me though... so, i don think i've talkd with her much... so da ONLY thing i kno abt her is wat i've jst said... mi varun dhen kameh vaane tha?...

¿?

egg-zaams feshijje kanneynge... did 2 islam paper today... one 1hr paper & one 2mins paper... hevva thankolhakee 7:15 ga feshi test nimunee 10:45 ga (half hour break eh e dheytherey)... enough time to barely do da 1st paper once & 2nd paper nearly 60 times :D... keke
anyway, test feshuneema dhen dhuvas gandakah baharu vumuge alaamaaiy tha fenidhaane... vai dhiri ulhun kuriah dhaane ekamu baraabarah... so don worry b happy... mioh gellunee!.....

IF

wat if i hadnt met anyone of my frends?... wat if i wasnt da hyper-active insane dude?... wat if i was a guy who doesnt kno anythin abt life?... wat then?...

consequences

rattehinna ekkoh majaa koh emmen ves ulheyne... meehun meehunaa dhimaa koh, joke jahaa, truth or dare kulhe, dhen ehen kanthah thah ves...
ekamu thimaa bunevey emme echchehge sababun e hurihaa kameh aneh athah alhaigen gosdhaane... mee mashah aammukoh vaa goiy... kommeves moya echcheh bunevigen, noonee molhu kameh koggen onnanee kada vefa... amilla meehaa sakaraaiy kollaa varu vefa...
ekamu majaa kuraa gadeega thimaa vareh nethumey bunyas dhogakah nuvaane... eki koosani sababu thakaa hure... e sababu thah thimaa kada vaa vaguthu thakuga hama jassadheyn rattehin ais kiyaane... dhen e vee ekan nimman
mi hurihaa kamakah kanneynge consequence ey kiyenee... ekamu dhen kuraane kameh neiy viyya... ginain kada kanthah kurevenya noonee kada vaa kahala echcheh bunevenya ulhen jehey haalathakee mee... dhiri ulhun onna gothakee mee... thimaage kuh thah rangalhu nukurevenya abadhuves ulheynee fahathuga... rattehinna kithamme ekee ulhunas kameh neyngi olhigen bunevunas dhen e nimunee e hisaabun :

Questions

am i ever goin to b gud enough?.. am i mature enough?.. why do i stil think abt her?... why is it jst thinkin abt her make me go crazy?... does she like me?... did she ever like me?... why is it dat i cant get over her?... am i worth livin this life?... hav i been an influence to anyone?... hav i been of any to her?...wat if i hadnt met her til now?... wud it change da fact dat i jst myte like her?... wud she like me if we met now?... how diferent wud i b from now if i hadnt met her then?... am i jst a crazy guy?... can i ever let go of her?... how can i free myself from this?... where do i belong?... who am i?...